WWE Raw - Austin, Texas - 04-02-08

This week starts off with a table, 2 chairs and 2 guys in suits in the ring. Looks like there’s going to be a contract signing. Randy Orton comes out and challenges John Cena to come out and sign the contract that Randy’s lawyers have made up.

John Cena comes out and signs it. Mark Henry comes running out and distracts John Cena and Randy Orton RKO’S him.

First match: Kelly Kelly & Mickie James Vs Victoria & Beth Phoenix

Mickie James pins Victoria after a DDT.

verdict: 1/5 This was almost a good match. Almost!

Backstage: William Regal is telling Hornswoggle he should do what his father tells him and he should be proud to be a member of this club. He doesn’t say which club but it’s pretty obvious what he’s on about.

Shawn Michaels comes to the ring and says he’s putting everyone who’s in the Elimination Chamber on notice. Then Chris Jericho comes out and says he’s going to win it. Now Jeff Hardy comes out and says he’s going to win it. Next it’s J.B.L’s turn to come out and tell us all that he’s going to win it. He says that Umaga speaks the language of money and will guarantee his safe passage to Wrestlemania. Then out comes Umaga, he doesn’t say or do anything. He doesn’t get a chance to becuase Snitsky comes out and says that he deserves to be in the Elimination Chamber. Shawn Michaels says that Snitsky doesn’t deserve squat except a good dentist then hits Snitsky which starts of a fight involving everyone in the ring.

William Regal comes out and tells everyone to stop it and announces a match for tonight. Snitsky, J.B.L & Umaga Vs Chris Jericho, Shawn Michaels & Jeff Hardy.

VERDICT: 1/5 Mildly entertaining i suppose!

Second match: Mr Kennedy Vs Super Crazy

Kennedy wins with some Figure 4 type submission move.

VERDICT: 0/5 Pointless match! What did Kennedy do to deserve this?!

After the match Kennedy shows what M.V.P did to Ric Flair and says he’s going to end his career at No Way Out. Then he invites Ric Flair to come out next week and forfeit the match to him.

Mr Kennedy is probably the most all round talented wrestler in the WWE just now! Everything he does is entertaining in one way or another!

Third match: Santino Marella & Carlito Vs Kendrick & London

Carlito pins Brian Kendrick after the backstabber.

VERDICT: 0/5 This was disgusting! The match lasted about 3 minutes and nearly all of that Paul London was chasing Santino Marella round and round the outside of the ring! Paul London and Brian Kendrick are with out a doubt the most exciting tag team in the WWE. There so exciting to watch!

This could have been a great match but instead it was utter bullshit!! I’m so annoyed! Grrrr!

BACKSTAGE: Vince McMahon is bent over with his trousers down and some one is buffing his ass with one of them buffer machines. Then he says “hold on a second, did you take the ass cream? I’ll take a dollop!” The guy puts some cream on and carrys on buffing! Vince is holding a mirror so he can see his ass and says “that’s good, thank you professional ass buffer. Mr McMahons kiss my ass club in HD.”

Hahahaha! This was a funny backstage bit!

Vince McMahon comes to the ring and says he’s a good example of how each chairman of the board should treat their employee. “I’ve made my employees kiss my ass, something your employers should think about! I’ve set an example for them!”. He then goes on about how parents don’t give a damn about their kids but he does give a damn about his kids because he administers tough love on them. “As parents you people are pathetic!”

Now he asks all the kids in the arena to stand up. Then he says “every one of these kids are spoilt brats!! Don’t boo me! it’s your fault!” “Every parent should make their kids kiss their ass!” He tells Hornswoggle to come out now and out he comes.

Mcmahon says lets get on with it and starts taking down his trousers. “Remember parents, this is what you should do to your kids” There’s something very amusing about seeing a millionaire genius businessman standing there with his trousers at his ankles saying “kiss it! come on kiss it! I’ll bend over for you to make it easier! Come on, i don’t have all night! Kiss my ass!”

Just as Hornswoggle is about to kiss it Finlay comes out and vince pulls his trousers back up. Finlay has a bit of a verbal tit for tat with VKM which ends with Vince saying “after he kisses my ass, you can!” Down come the trousers again.

Hornswoggle doesn’t kiss Vince McMahons ass but bites it instead! Then Him and Finlay go up the ramp and leaves poor Vince in the ring in a bad mood. He says next week he’s going to have a match with Hornswoggle! “Because of each and everyone of you i’m going to beat the holy hell out of my son” It’s going to be a no disqualification match and if Finlay gets involved he’s fired.

VERDICT: 3/5 I found this very entertaining and funny! When Vince puts his mind to it he’s as entertaining as anyone in the WWE. Vince McMahon rules! Well, tonight he did anyway!

Fourth match: Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes Vs Cade and Murdoch (tag team championship match)

Cody Rhodes pins Trevor Murdoch after a DDT.

VERTICT: 0/5 Pfftttt! The match sucked!

After the match Carlito and Santino Marella came out and announced that their the new number 1 contenders for the tag team belt.

Santino Marella says “You have as much chance of holding on to the belts as Maria has posing for playboy”. “After our match maybe you can pose in balding tough guy who has a little friend with a name like a girl magazine!” There’s another quote for the Santino Marella archives!

Fifth match: Jeff Hardy & shawn Michaels & Chris Jericho Vs Snitsky, J.B.L & Umaga

Jeff Hardy pins Snitsky after a twist of fate and a swanton bomb.

VERDICT: 2/5 Good match. Not sure what to say about it really. Everyone did their bit to make it good.

Sixth match: John Cena Vs Mark Henry (Arm wrestling match)

Mark Henry cheated and Randy Orton came out and tried to RKO Cena. Cena kicked everyones ass!

VERDICT: 0/5 What the fuck was the point in having this arm wrestling match???!!! And why Mark Henry from Smackdown?! And why was it the main event?! Talk about a waste of fuckin time!!

OVERALL VERDICT: 1/5 As usual the best part of Raw didn’t involve any wrestling at all! Vince McMahon and the 6 man tag match were the only things worth seeing!